Monday, May 2, 2016

Ahead of Their Time: David Noid

Ahead of Their Time: David Noid
Known to some as the uncle of modern psychiatry, David Noid was born in Oranjeboom, Austria, in 1859 to an Irish gypsy mother and a mysterious father. In spite of his swarthy appearance, his mother encouraged him to think of himself as Irish and to try to assimilate with the Gentiles. Showing superior intelligence at an early age, the child dreamed of growing up and becoming a doctor. Unfortunately, along with his sharp mind was a penetrating intuition that tended to obstruct his social interactions. His examiner at the prestigious Berlin School of Advanced Medicine, for instance, rejected his application over an unsightly paper crease, but details have since emerged to reveal that Noid confronted the official with a potentially offensive observation regarding the latter's marriage.

Undeterred, Noid gained admission in the School of Psychiatry, where they sent all the rejects from the real medical schools. The field was still in its infancy and malleable to his revolutionary new ideas. By the time he graduated, he was almost as impressive as Sigmund Freud, having pioneered substantial new treatments that turned the establishment of his time on its head. Noid wasn't afraid to offend people in the vital search for knowledge. He was perhaps the first professional in recorded history to embark on a global anti-bullshit campaign. Profound psychological concepts such as denial, projection, and suppression were tools that he used to analyze the information he received from his patients, strip away their bullshit, and reveal the truth.

The establishment of Noid's time was too uptight and he knew it. They hated him and Noid explained that their hate was actually rooted in envy. They compared him to syphilis and Noid explained that this was an attempt to project their own consciously dismissed but unconsciously known sexual inadequacy onto him. To the women who scorned him, he said that they were in a serious state of denial and that they fantasized too much about being raped by Jude Suss. He was in the midst of writing a paper on the propensity of evil dictators to indulge in kinky sex when the SS broke down his door, converged on him with automatic weapons, and shot him to pieces in 1938.
  
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