Tuesday, February 16, 2016

The Pathogena Hair Defense System

The Pathogena Hair Defense System
(A grade six class. The teacher responds to a girl's raised hand.)

Teacher: Yes, Susan?

Susan: Grover's sniffing my hair again.

Teacher: Grover, are you sniffing Susan's hair?

Grover: (seated behind Susan) No, ma'am.

Susan: He's lying!

Teacher: Susan, your hair defense is your own responsibility.

Announcer: Introducing the Pathogena Hair Defense System. One squirt fortifies your follicles with millions upon millions of the very latest in genetically engineered carnivorous microorganisms. Stays infectious for up to twenty-four hours. Immunization mandatory for all purchasers.

(The classroom. The students take turns reading out loud from a book.)

Teacher: It's your turn, Grover.

Grover: (nose bleeding, clutching his throat) I can't breathe.

Teacher: Grover, if you can't keep up with the others, I'm going to have to put you in a remedial class.

Announcer: Pay sniffers back with the Pathogena Hair Defense System. Pathogena: nose knows bounds.
  
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© 2016. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

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